The Gory Details

Ok, so here is my long, long birth story in all of its gory details. Read at your own risk.
WARNING: this post is way too long to go back and proof read.  I know that there are probably hundreds of spelling, grammar mistakes and typos but I don't really care.

Last Friday was baby's Kira's due date.  Aaron and I talked that evening about how perfect it would be if the baby came that very weekend due to Aaron starting his new job in 1 week and Kelsey's impending arrival.  That night we prayed that our baby would come though, to be honest, we had prayed that several times before. Sometime around 2 in the morning, I woke up because my back and hips area hurt.  At first, I thought the pain was because I wasn't sleeping with a pillow between my legs like a normally did.  I found my pillow and also got up to use the bathroom.  It was very normal for me to wake up having contractions 2-3 times during the night that squeezed my bladder so much that I had to take a trip to the bathroom (I would apologize, but I warned you about the gory details).  So it was no biggy for this have happened. As I crawled back into bed, I noticed the pain was all gone and started to wonder if perhaps it was a real contraction.  I tried not to get excited because I knew that even it was a real contraction, the baby would not be born for hours and hours, possibly even days and it would be important to get some sleep.  I dozed back off to sleep only to be woken up again a hour or so later by the same pain.  This time when I went to the bathroom, I noticed that I had started to lose my mucus plug (more of those details you didn't want to know).  This time I was pretty convinced that I was about to go into labor.  I started to get excited and had trouble sleeping.  After a while, I ended getting up and taking a hot shower.  After an hour or two and several more contractions, I finally calmed down and was able to sleep for about an hour.  I woke up around 6 and had the hardest time not waking up Aaron to tell him the exciting news.  I knew that I would need him to be awake and alert when I was actually in hard labor.  The contractions kept getting closer and closer.  At first, I was only having about 1 an hour and then a couple an hour and finally maybe 5 an hour.  When Aaron finally woke up a little before 7.  I told him and he got all excited.  From 7-8 we timed the contractions and made yummy blueberry banana pancakes for breakfast.  According to the timer, I would have a long (60 sec) contraction about every 10 min and sometimes a little one in between the "big" ones.
We decided that we would go for a 1 1/2 mile walk on the nature trail at the park close to our house as this was supposed to help/speed up labor.  On our way there, I called my midwife and my mom and informed them that I thought I was in early labor but that I was no where near ready to go the hospital. I also asked my mom not to tell anybody that I was in labor because I wasn't for sure that it was real and I didn't want everybody to get excited.  Aaron and I also started making a list of all the things we wanted to do before we went to the hospital: the dishes, make our bed, pack some the last minute things into the hospital bag, etc.  However, as soon as I had finished making my calls, my contractions all but stopped.  During our longish walk, I only had 1 contraction.  Slightly depressed, we returned home.  I didn't really know what to do with myself since I had planned on having the baby.  I mainly just sat on the couch and got on the computer and read a book.  I also tried to take a nap just in case the contractions were to start again.
Over the next few hours, I had a couple of random contractions here and there, but, for all intents and purposes, I considered my labor to have stopped.  Around 1ish, I had a contraction.  And then a little while later, I had another and then another.  Finally, I started timing them again.  They were about 10 minutes apart and kept it up.  Aaron and I were supposed to go to a farewell party for a friend that night.  I told Aaron that he could go but I didn't think I could.  My contractions were light enough that I could handle them myself and didn't need Aaron with me but they were hard enough that I didn't want to try to talk to people and act normal.  We called my mom and she agreed to come over and stay with me so Aaron could go say goodbye to his friend for about 30 minutes.
By the time my mom got there and Aaron was supposed to leave for the party, the contractions were coming about every 5-6 minutes and were starting to hurt.  My mom and Aaron both thought we should go to the hospital as it was an hour away, but I had heard that it was best to stay away from the hospital for as long as possible because being at home is supposed to be more comforting.  I held them off for about 30 minutes before agreeing that we needed to start heading that way.  The ride over there was a little uncomfortable but not too bad.
By the time we got there, the contractions were coming about every 3 minutes apart.  We had arrived at the hospital about 7:30.  After this point, I stopped timing my contractions and time became a blur to me.  I remember looking at the clock, but my memory of the time is completely skewed.  The night seemed to last forever and also to go by very quickly.  My midwife was kind enough to call ahead to the hospital to pre-admit me so that I did not have to go the triage area to be monitored before being admitted.  She had also called ahead and arranged for me to have a nurse who was comfortable helping out with natural births.  Our nurse was great.  When I got to the rooms, she asked me if I wanted to wear a hospital gown or if I had brought my own clothes.  She also said that she would put off checking me and inserting the saline lock unless I really wanted her to do it right away.  I assured her that I was fine with waiting as long as possible.  In the meantime, I took a shower which felt great.  Just a hint to the uninitiated, heat is your friend when in labor.  Baths, showers and rice socks are pure magic.  I could hardly last 5 minutes without some kind of heat being applied to my back.  After about an hour or so of being in the hospital, the nurse said that she needed to check me so that she could report my progress to my midwife.  I was only at 4 cm and I started to cry.  I told Aaron that it hurt so bad now and there was no way I could last a lot longer.  He just kept encouraging me and telling me that I could do it and that I was doing it.  My midwife told the nurse to let us know that she would come in whenever we needed her and to just let her know.  Otherwise she would just show up when I was about 7 cm.
Even though I had a saline lock in my arm, my nurse taped a cut up piece of glove over it and let me get back in the shower.  She also allowed me to sit on a birthing ball while she monitored me because I quickly discovered that the bed was not my friend.  Every time I had to get in it to be checked, it made my bad hurt so badly.  I couldn't get comfortable.
After some unknown amount of time, I started to tell Aaron that I couldn't do it.  I needed an epidural.  I started to have trouble coping with the pain.  With nearly every contraction, I would beg Aaron to stop the pain or give me an epidural.  Stupid me had previously told him not to let me have an epidural as I wanted to have a natural birth.  Afterward, he admitted that it was hard but he just kept telling me that I couldn't have an epidural and that I was doing great.  He also did great holding the rice sock to my back and rubbing wherever hurt.  I was in so much pain that I would just growl "there" and point to the part of my body that hurt the most.
The nurse said that she needed to check me again to report to my midwife.  I was only a disappointing 5 cm.  I started to cry again and get super discouraged even though the nurse kept assuring me that this was great progress.  Once again, I started pleading with Aaron.  I told him that I wasn't even transition yet and there was no way I could keep going.  I told him that I thought my insides were about to explode.  Eventually, I got the point where Aaron left me, for the first time since labor began, picked up the phone and told the midwife that we needed to her come right away.  I think she arrived about 30 minutes later and immediately took control of the situation.  She was so helpful to have there.  She was encouraging but firmly told me what to do and how to breathe.  She checked me and I had progressed to 6cm.  She suggested that she could break my water to help speed up the process.  I started shrieking that I didn't want her to as this would make my contractions harder.  However, she played the trump card and said that I might be a be able to push in an hour if she went ahead and broke my water.  After she said that, I couldn't get her break my water fast enough.  She also suggested that they give me a IV with fluids as it might make me feel better.  At that point, I looked at the clock.  I needed an hour to go by as fast as possible.  She suggested that I get back into the shower.  I think it is absolutely amazing that she allowed me in the shower with an IV!
After about an hour, she checked me again and I was only 7cm.  I'm pretty sure that I was about ready to claw my way out of bed at that point.  I remember looking up at Aaron and telling him that "It hurts like hell."  I wasn't trying to swear, I meant it as literally as possible.  I gave up asking Aaron for an epidural and started begging the midwife.  They were having trouble calming me down at this point and so the midwife suggested that she give me a drug called Nubain through my IV.  For about 2 seconds I was worried about the affect it would have on the baby, but she assured me that it was quite safe.  I quickly agreed that I wanted it and looked to Aaron hoping that he would agree.  Fortunately for me, he did and she quickly gave the drug to me.  She told me that it would help me relax which would probably help me progress faster.  The drug was wonderful! It didn't take away all the pain, it just brought down to a manageable level.  It take away the pain that I was experiencing in between contractions and made me very sleepy and relaxed.
The hardest thing about this part was that I felt like pushing with each contractions.  While the contractions were much less painful, I could hardly help but to yell every time my body involuntarily tried to push.  They kept telling me not to push but then my body would just take over and start doing it.  Finally I was about 9cm and I was really in pain from not pushing.  My midwife checked me and then she started massaging my cervix to try and get it to open up that last little bit.  At least, I think that was what she was doing as she didn't really tell me and it hurt so badly that I just remember yelling at her to get her hands out of me.
Right after that, she told me I could push!  I didn't need any encouragement.  I tried not to get too excited though and told myself that it would probably take at least an hour and a half.  After about one contraction or two at the most, I could hear them get excited and talk about seeing something.  I was so surprised and asked them if they could already see something.  They told me put my hand down there and feel the baby's head.  I could not believe it.  After a couple more contractions, she was out!  Pushing was the most painful part of labor but also felt the best.  I can't describe how weird it felt to be in so much pain but feel so good at the same time.  During my contractions, I just had to try and suffer through them but now I could actually do something and, even though it really hurt, it felt 10x better to push than to not push.
They quickly put the baby on top of me and at that point I turned into a complete fruit loop.  I just looked at her for a moment and then realized that I didn't even know if she was a boy or a girl.  They assured me that I had a girl.  Then for the next hour, I babbled about all sorts of things.  I had a second degree tear and needed stitches.  The whole time I just kept talking about everything and nothing.  About how my belly was so flat, about how much hair Kira had, about how we should call our family and tell them.  I remember talking to my mom and she asked me how long I had pushed for.  I told her that I didn't really know but that it was about 30 minutes.  One of the nurses looked up and said, "Honey, you only pushed for 8 minutes."  I could not believe it!
Afterwards, as Aaron and I were discussing how we didn't have a completely natural birth.  I told him that I did not regret for one minute taking that drug.  It was a lifesaver and I would do it again in a heartbeat.  We agreed that I did not fail and we were so grateful that our daughter was born healthy and without having to have a C-section.
Let me just say that the hospital experience was great.  We loved our nurses and there were so many lactation consultants that we never saw the same one twice.  My midwife was great!  I'm so glad we didn't have a home birth and it was definitely worth the drive.  I have absolutely no complaints about the experience except that I wish that they would have let me drink my powerade during labor.  They only let me have ice chips.  Just so you know, I'm not crazy about powerade, but it definitely helped to have something flavored to take away the bad taste in my mouth.
It is strange how the pain is already starting to fade from my memory.  I can better remember how crazed I felt than I can remember the actual pain.  I'm not sure what we will do for our next birth or what, if any, pain meds it will involve.  I think I'm much more open to the idea of having an epidural after experiencing birth.
Though I wasn't thinking anything grand or glorious while in labor, I ran across this quote this morning from John Piper.  He was talking about how strange it is to exult/boast in the death of Christ.  "For Paul to say that we should boast only in the cross of Christ is shocking...It's like saying: Boast only in the electric chair.  Only exult in the gas chamber.  Only rejoice in the lethal injection.  Let your one boast and one joy and one exultation be the lynching rope."  It stuck out to me so much because I had just experienced the most horrific pain in my entire life and doesn't even compare to Christ's suffering.  How strange and yet amazing to boast in someone else's pain!  What a great Savior!

EDIT: A couple of little details I forgot: She was born at 2:48 am on August 12.  She weighed 8 lbs and 4oz and was 21 in long. Just in case you are wondering how big this is, according to the pediatrician, she is in the 75th percentile for her weight and the 90th percentile for height.