Dear Baby,

Dear Baby,

We got to see you one week ago.  You weighed 13 oz and you politely kept your legs crossed.  This pleased your father immensely as he did not want me to even try and guess your gender.  I'm a little sad that you're playing favorites already.  We also found out that you are a thumb sucker.  Oh, dear.  We already had strong suspicions that you would need braces but this has confirmed our fears.
You are a little wiggle worm in church which is very distracting for your poor mother.  You also get hyper when I give even a little bit of caffeine.  We look forward to meeting in a few months.  Hopefully, your parents will have everything they need to take care of you, but don't count on it.

Love,
Your mother