Dragon-Fire Words

Every year for the past 15 or so years, I've read the entire Bible through in a year. Since the baby was born, I've felt like I've been reading more to be able to mark it off of the checklist and less for comprehension and understanding.  In an effort to change my ways, I've been trying to get up 15-20 minutes earlier than usual to have some quiet time to read, pray and reflect.  I've taken away my checklist and I just try to read 1-2 chapters and really meditate on them as well as memorize some verses.  This past week I had an a-ha moment while reading in Proverbs.  I'm sure it isn't anything new or brilliant but it just clicked for me. I figured I'd write it up to internalize it and perhaps it might be helpful to someone else.

This past week I had one of those days.  You know the ones where you were up 3 times the night before with a teething a baby and you're super tired?  I finally made my cup of coffee and sat down to do some meal planning which I find relaxing and enjoyable.  The kids came into the room and started arguing over something ridiculous and the next thing you know, my precious cup 'o' joe was all over the table and the floor.  I was so mad and so tired.  I remember trying to keep my mouth shut and not say anything because I knew that I had a boiling cauldron of angry words burning up inside of me waiting to fly out and punish the children for their carelessness.  

As it turns out, there is a Proverb describing this exact situation: "A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire," Proverbs 16:27.  Scripture is full of verses about the power of words but what this particular one demonstrates is the fiery nature of our words.  I was the dragon mom spitting out fire to burn my children.  I'm good at pretending that I'm using my words to discipline (build up and instruct) but what I'm oftentimes doing is actually attempting to punish them (make them pay for their actions).  So often I spit out my words wanting to scorch someone whether it is my children or the employee at the badly run Wal-Mart (I try not to go to Wal-Mart because I always end up leaving super mad).  I see this in my children as well.  They shout things at each other all the time like, "bad boy," or "I'm not going to be your friend."  Their intent is not to fix the situation or even change the other person but rather to hurt them.  These are dragon-fire words.  

Now the analogy of a dragon eventually breaks down because, you see, dragons can spit out fire without ever hurting themselves.  They obviously have fire proof throats and bellies.  We do not.  If the mouth speaks out of the overflow of our hearts, then our hearts must be filled with fire and we are most definitely not fire proof.  We may attempt to use those fiery words to burn others but really we're scorching our insides.  Am I happier when I let my children know just how annoying and inconvenient they are acting?  Well, for a time I may feel justified and maybe it even feels good letting everyone know just how I feel.  But after a few minutes or even seconds, I feel guilt, and anger and bitterness welling up inside.  I might see my children upset  by my words or perhaps they are carrying on the same exact sin because I haven't truly disciplined them. Those words are turning my soul bitter and black and hurting me as much as I want to hurt those around me.  

However, if words can be like scorching fire, the opposite is also true: "Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body," Proverbs 16:24. 

I love to give my children special treats and watch them get all excited.  You know that look on their face when you make them the special birthday dessert they requested 364 days ago?  They are thrilled and I love watching them enjoy good things!  My words can be just like that.  This doesn't mean that I need to only say nice things or always pretend that everything is ok.  When true words are spoken with love, they are both sweet and nourishing.  This isn't Valetine's day candy sort of love; this is a hard-core 1 Corinthians 13 sort of love.  Words that are spoken without rudeness, arrogance, or self centeredness but are filled with patience and kindness and coming from a person who is willing to endure and bear all things out of love.  Only then can they have the sweetness of honey but, at the same time, be just as healthy as organic kale.  In my crunchy mama book, this is the best of both worlds!  

So lately in our house we've been talking a lot about words and I've been doing a lot of repenting.  As I hear the good and the bad coming out of the mouths of my children, I try to stop and ask them if they are using fire words or dessert words. I also find that I have to constantly ask myself the same question.  It is hard work but, as I spend time meditating on Scripture, I'm thankful that we have the Word and the Bread of Life which are as sweet as honeycomb to fill and sustain us.  

Belly Like a Watermelon

My sister is working on a motherhood project and asked me to write up a short piece for her.  Since I've already put the work into writing something, I'd thought I'd share it here as well.  Be sure to check out her whole series when she posts it on Facebook!

8 Days overdue and on our way to the wedding

Whenever you first find out your due date, everybody stars their mental timers.  You can almost here the countdown, 5...4...3...2...1... and then BOOM it is your due date and the baby is born.  In reality, due dates do not work like that.  They are just educated guesses based on the average woman and a normal pregnancy lasts anywhere from 38-42 weeks.  According to current research, as long as mama and baby are both healthy, it is safer for the baby to remain in the womb than to induce as inductions increase the risk of c-section, uterine ruptures, and infection.

My first baby was born only two days after her due date, so when I got pregnant with baby #2, I assumed it would be similar.  Around 37 weeks, I packed my hospital bags and began waiting for the baby to arrive.  His due date came...and went with no sign of impending labor.  I began to get regular texts and phone calls asking if I was in labor.  Every time my midwife checked me and declared that I was still not really effaced or dilated, I would leave her office in tears.  I tried every kind of safe, natural induction method on the internet including squatting, walking, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, and accupressure videos on youtube.  Nothing worked and every time we went somewhere and someone commented on how I was still pregnant, I was freshly reminded of my body's failure to produce the baby.  Sometimes I could deal with the comments and questions, which were all meant kindly.  However on other days, I would come home from an event bitter and near tears.  Each day that passed produced yet another ugly red stretch mark on my belly.  A week and half after my due date, my midwife encouraged me to get an induction since both her and her back-up doctor were going out of town for a few days.  The thought of an induction added to my stress and every day that passed made me feel more and more like a failure.  

On the day before my midwife wanted to induce, I began to have some bleeding.  My midwife checked me and said that I was still not effaced or dilated and I was convinced that I was going to be eternally pregnant unless I went ahead and got induced.  Later that same afternoon, I began to have some light contractions and the baby was born 12 hours later.  My body made up for its earlier failure to progress by going from 4-10 cm in a record 2 hours.  

When I found out I was pregnant with my third child, I did things different from the very beginning.  When people would ask me about my due date, I would respond that we expected the baby to come at the end of the month and told very few people my actual due date which was in the middle of the month.  I also began to mentally prepare myself for a late baby.  It was no surprise to me that my due date passed with no sign of the baby.  In general, I refused to be checked by my midwife as I knew my body would not have any significant dilation or effacement until labor actually started.  I did let her check me twice and the results were exactly as expected but this time I did not leave the office disappointed. I trusted that God had designed my body in such a way that it was normal for me not to show signs of labor and until labor actually started and this provided me with peace.  Instead of sitting around waiting for the baby, I would give myself something to accomplish or look forward to everyday even if it was something small like a favorite dinner.  I tried to soak up as much time as I could with my two small children.  I remember looking in a mirror before going to a wedding 8 days past my due date and being filled with discontentment but I decided that there was nothing I could do to get this baby out so I'd better just choose joy for the day.  My day was much more enjoyable after I made that decision.  I kept reminding myself that a couple of weeks was nothing to the long 9 months I'd already spent waiting for my baby to arrive.  My sweet son was born early in the morning 11 days past his due date and he was just perfect! 

This was taken probably 2 days before the baby was born.  Aaron laughed so hard when I told that we were having frozen pizza for dinner for probably the first time ever in our marriage.  He insisted that we take a picture to document the occasion.